A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
