did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
