i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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