My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
