Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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