mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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