Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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