he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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