it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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