Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
