This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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