hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
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