dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Randomize
