Do you still have your period?
I'm drive I can fine osifer
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
