i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
