I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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