if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
