my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
