She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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