So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
