sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
