dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I have aggressive nipples.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
