it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
We're too hungover to prance.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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