Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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