is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
