I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
