I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Pi�atas plus fireworks don't mix well
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
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