Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Randomize
