first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
