I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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