i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
