hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
