there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Randomize
