we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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