dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
It's just like the Real World with babies
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I'm both gender and math confused
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
