i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
