your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
