Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
