Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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