Me. At least after what I've been through.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
