You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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