Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Randomize
