The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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