with your own penis?
A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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