I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I still have a little drunk in my system
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
