My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Randomize
