So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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