You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
