I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Randomize
