ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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