Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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