How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
