I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
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